why i choose to embrace failure…

Note: This post was originally posted on LinkedIn October 17. 2019.

FAILURE.

That’s such a heavy word. Even as you speak it and feel it roll off the tongue – it hangs there not wanting to be released into the world. There’s a dropping down, a lowering onto the ground feeling when it’s said; a drooping of the body and tone of voice.

FAILuuuree.

It’s depressing me just writing about the word itself – imagine the impact when it happens in any aspect of my life!

The thing is though, this IS what happens to me. Not always, but often.

I try something new, and when I find I’m not particularly good at it – I beat myself up.

“Why can’t I get this?! Why is this so difficult?! What’s wrong with me?”

Does this sound like something you do as well?

On some level – we all struggle with failure. It doesn’t feel great to mess up, to stumble, to fall, and then to have to get back up and try again.

But the feeling you get when it finally clicks. Wow! What a feeling of accomplishment and triumph! It’s like an explosion of energy that fills up every part of your soul. A filling in of power, purpose and excitement. It can be so intoxicating!

So, that begs the question – if something comes easy to me, do I really get a sense of fulfillment from that thing? Or does fulfillment truly arrive when it’s difficult, and I’m working through it with grit, sweat and nervousness until I accomplish it?

Can I achieve fulfillment through the struggle?

For me, my answer every day is shifting, but I’m getting closer and closer to saying, “Yes!”. Yes, the struggle is a pain in the ass. Yes, it sucks and hurts when I fall flat on my face, but at least I’m DOING something. At least there’s movement, and breath, and growth through change and interaction with the world around me! I’m not sitting in my stagnant place anymore, playing it safe, playing small, hiding myself to stay protected from some unknown, and probably, non-existent disaster.

At least I’m living. Truly living my life on my terms – pushing myself to be more, or not even more. Pushing myself to be ME. The real and true me – the part of myself that in the past I’ve been afraid of.

Is it possible to be afraid of yourself?

Afraid of what you’re capable of? Afraid of filling out the space around me with my own power and confidence? Who am I when I really allow myself this freedom? Who do I become when I’m unapologetically me – with all my imperfections?

I am a lone and rare being in this world. And I get to create my life. I get to decide what I like and what I’ll open myself to. I’m the great creator. I get to DECIDE how I want to perceive my world.

I think we sometimes forget that. That we can DECIDE how we want to think. Our thoughts and feelings don’t need to control us. We can choose to say, “You know what? Today I won’t edit myself for the sake of others. Today I’m going to trust my gut. What’s possible for me when I try that?”

And maybe I’ll make a fool of myself, but dammit, I’m going to enjoy the journey. And tomorrow I get to choose again.

So, for me, I’m going to CHOOSE to not give in to my feelings of fear.

Today I’m saying yes to freedom, to fun, to play and exploration. And yes...to failure.

Today I’m NOT going to play the victim and create a bubble for myself.

Today I’m going to stand up, try something new and make a mess of myself, but it’s going to be glorious!

Today I’m going to bite into a huge chunk of watermelon with the juices dripping down my face, and spit out the seeds, and laugh, and relish in the messiness of it all. I’m going to let it all go and be in the moment.

And that’s the key for me – it’s in the moments. The small moments that pass – that you can’t quite get a grip on, where you find the answer that unlocks that door. This present moment that I’m living right now. THIS…is life. This is freedom – this is where my very existence matters, and whether I’m in a pit of mud or swimming freely in the depths of the ocean, it matters not, for this is my life. And failure is just a small drop in the great expansiveness of my life.

My failures bring me experience and depth. They give me new perspective, new avenues to follow, new meaning to my life.

What do you hope to discover for yourself? What adventures are you yearning to take? What new thing do you want to learn and get messy with? How do you want to live your life today, starting right now? What can you re-define for yourself?

I have every hope and trust that you will find that thing. All it takes is for you to choose a path. And I will be here, as will we all, to witness the glorious YOU discover all the world at your feet. 

You are the magnificent wonder. The uplifting sun, the gentle moon, the swaying ocean. You are the spark that ignites a field and morphs it into something new and unstoppable. When you grab hold of that knowledge, when you believe in yourself, when you know you are capable – that’s when the world is inspired. That’s when YOU shine.

Be glorious. Be brave. Grunt and grit until you feel the pulse of accomplishment course through you.

And say hello to failure.

Embrace it.

Sit in it.

Enjoy every second of self-reflection, and frustration, and yearning for more until you feel completely and utterly alive.