being a mom is hard

Being a Mom is HARD.

It’s the place where I struggle the most.

And sometimes it’s like I am watching myself from the outside telling my 6 year old daughter,

“Hurry up and get dressed!”
“Hurry up and put your shoes on!”
“Come on ! We don’t have all day!”
“Let’s go! Brush your teeth already!”
“Hurry up and learn xyz!”

And I hear myself raising my voice until I’m yelling and angry and frustrated.

And I hate it.

It’s like I want my daughter to be a perfect little robot that responds to my instructions on command and does what she’s told, but in the same instance I also expect her to be an independent individual with her own thoughts, to be assertive and not crushed by society’s cultural standards of what it means to be a “good girl”.

In those moments, it’s like I’m breaking her down.

And through her tears she tells me, “Mom, you’re forgetting to love me.” And suddenly it’s like I wake up.

Those words hit me to my core and I realize that I have forgotten myself. I forgot to love her, to have empathy and compassion for her little growing mind.

And I forgot to love myself.

I forgot to redefine what motherhood means to me. I forgot to be kind to myself, and live really present to the small moments.

I forgot to be firm but supportive.

To teach her to go slow, to breathe when frustrated, and to be patient when learning something new.

And those moments are beautiful too - because I get to recognize the patterns that are not working. I get to stop myself, and reorient, and love her with my entire self.

And I tell her, that while yes, she’s still learning how to be in this world, and she’s going to school, and she’s new to this life, that even though I’ve been around a while, I’m also still learning and that I’m not perfect.

I make mistakes too, and I forget and need to be reminded that I’m just human.

And she tells me, “Yeah, because you’re in Mommy school.” And I know that she gets it.

I smile and say, “Yes, that’s right. I’m learning how to be a Mom.”

I apologize and I thank her for reminding me to come back to myself, and that it’s okay to make mistakes, that we learn from our failures.

And we hug and move on with our day, a little wiser and at peace, and with more loving intention than before.

That’s the great adventure of life, isn’t it?

We can experience the frustration and anger, the surprises, the awakening, and the coming back to ourselves and to love.

All of it is so precious and important.

And so, if you’ve gotten a little lost today, that’s okay. Come back to yourself. Open your eyes, take a deep breath, and redefine how you want to live. Let yourself feel what you need.

It’s ok to make mistakes. There is so much freedom in that knowledge.

Just remember that you have the power to make the next moment completely your own.

I understand. I’m living it myself.

Life can be hard. But even in the hard, it’s so incredibly beautiful.